Evanescing Memory
by yukikosnow139
Summary: HUMAN NAMES USED,! Matthew had met gilbert two years ago, he had shared a moment with him, but because of reasons they were seprated. Gilbert and him met two years later at the world meeting, gilbert not remembering Matthew at all. However there are forces who want to harm them and the other countries. Will there story be remembered? Evanescing: verb. To fade gradually from view


**Hey! So you this is a oneshot based off of a RP with my friend. Basically we texted each other. Sorry if there are mistakes they are all mine.,lm**

**Pairing: PrussiaXCanada(Main), AmericaXEngland, GermanyXItaly, SpainXRomano.**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing, not Hetalia or any of the songs**

* * *

_• Yo-u said "Hey, What's your name?" _

_It took one look And now we're not the same_

_ Yeah you said "Hey." And since that day You stole my heart And you're the one to blame_

_ (Yeah) And that's why I smile It's been a while Since every day and everything has Felt this right And now you turn it all around_

_ And suddenly you're all I need The reason why I-I-I smile-Smile by Avril Lavigne_

Canada was trying to fade into the background as the music beat though his small frame. America had decided to drag him to a club. He was meeting his boyfriend England and England was bringing his brother France. Supposedly France was bringing three others. Luckily, Canada was able to convince Italy and Romano to come with him. Romano was holding on to Italy, making sure he didn't wander off all the while muttering about 'stupid bastards'. Canada saw Alfred making his way towards him with England and France. Behind France was a bronze skinned young man that looked to be a Spaniard. Then, there was a six foot man with slicked back blond hair and a serious expression. He looked to be German. The next person made him catch his breath. The man was shorter than the blond and had white hair, pale skin and red eyes. He looked very familiar, and very handsome.

He had a big grin. Confidence seemed to roll off him, but under that came a small sense of security issues. He was shooed away by the blond man, and he spotted canada. Normally no one would see him, but the albino came to canada and sat next to him. His grin softening, he said in a german accented, higher pitched voice, "Hallo, you look a little lonely. What's your name?"

Canada couldn't believe that this man was speaking to him! Him! Thankful for the flashing light, because Canada knew he was blushing, he responded in his soft

voice, "It's M-Matthew...William-Jones."

The stranger had a soft smile on his face. "You have an awesome name, Matthew. Though, even awesomer if you shortened it to just Matthew Williams." He ordered a beer from the bar, then asked him, "Would you like something? A drink, or some food?" Matthew knew he shouldn't drink, for he was a light weight. Though he was hungry.

"Umm..some food please." he answered meekly. He wanted to ask the stranger his name but couldn't. This handsome man was in front of him and was trying to make conversation with him and he couldn't even ask his name! God, he felt so pathetic! Why couldn't he talk? Matthew had met many handsome men, but never one like this one.

"Let's see...how does this sound to you?" He pointed to an appetizer that appeared most enticing. It also happened to be the most expensive. He placed an order of it, and when the waitress walked away, he said, "I'm Gilbert, by the way. Gilbert Beilschmidt." He was trying to keep it cool, but he was nervous . He'd never been good at socializing with people, since he got anixious and would smother people with his presence. So, taking the advice of his little gilbird, he was trying a...gentler approach.

Matthew was about to protest seeing as the price was too much, but the red eyed stranger already ordered for him. When Gilbert's name was given he was a little startled could this man read his mind? Matthew gave a little smile. His violet eyes behind his glasses sparkled a little when he realized this was the longest conversation he had had with anyone beside Alfred, Lovino, or Feli. Gathering as much confidence as he could, he asked, "What are you doing here?", but as soon as he asked, he felt stupid. This was club! He would be here to dance.

Gilbert looked over at the blond man. "See him?" He pointed "That's my bruder. He wanted to come and have a drink, so I had no choice but to tag along. Really, he acts like my mother rather than my brother sometimes..." Ever since the accident, Gilbert hasn't been let out of Germany's sight. It was annoying, but the Prussian secretly appreciated it. Just thinking of the accident made the scar on his hip throb.

Matthew looked to where he was pointed and saw the blonde that he saw Gilbert enter with. Looking back at Gilbert, Matthew could see the slight resemblance.

"Me too. My brother dragged me here." Matthew said and pointed to his brother, who was dancing with Arthur. Though it seems Arthur was trying to stop Alfred from grinding against him.

Gilbert looked and chuckled slightly. "He looks pretty horny. Is that shorter blond guy his boyfriend?" Although acting natural, he was starting to get nervous. His palms felt sweaty, and his hands in his lap started to clench the fabric of his pants. He felt a bit sick; there were so many people here...

Matthew blushed a little. He couldn't believe his brother was doing this in public! Though when he heard what Gilbert said he himself had to chuckle a little. "Yeah, my brother has been seeing him for three years." Matthew said. Looking back at Gilbert, he realized he was looking a little pale. Feeling concerned, he asked "Are you ok?"

"Hm?" Gilbert looked at him and blinked. Then he forced a grin on his face. "Ja, I'm okay. Why do you ask?" The rave lights and noisy people and many bodies was starting to make him feel sick and a bit dizzy even. It reminded him too much of some forgotten memory of war. Normally he would've gotten drunk to ignore it, but when the waitress brought the food and his beer, he didn't want to drink. Having a conversation with Matthew while sober was better than even getting drunk to rid himself of that naseous feeling.

"You look a little pale. Are you sure you are ok?" Matthew asked. He didn't want to come off too nosy, but he was worried for Gilbert.

"I'm albino. I'm supposed to be super pale. But I suppose the lighting in here could give the wrong impression." He had to try hard to not hyperventilate. That'd be pretty embarrassing in front of Matthew. His vision started to blur, and he panicked. Abruptly he stood up. "Uh..I-I'm going outside for a minute..." He stuttered, and staggered through the crowd towards the exit.

Matthew had a friend once that was albino so he knew that could be why Gilbert was pale. However that did not distract him from the fact not only did Gilbert look pale, he looked sick. When Gilbert got up and stuttered, Matthew felt even more worried. Especially when he saw Gilbert stagger though the crowd. It didn't feel right. However, Matthew knew how it could be in the club. Bodies pressing against you, music pounding though your entire body, and most people drunk. Just thinking about these things made him want for his razor and rub his wrist. After 10 minutes of Gilbert not coming back, he was worried. Taking out his phone he texted Alfred he would be going outside for a little.

Alfred texted back 'Okay, but be careful. There might be dangerous people out.' Meanwhile, outside, Gilbert was leaning heavily on a wall, panting like he'd just ran a mile. He felt sick, but he hadn't eaten anything that day, so dry heaving was all he could manage. Now, he was gripping the wall while hyperventilating, shaking and sweating. His lost memories were trying to come back, ones and war and violence and blood, and he wanted to pass out.

Once Matthew had made his way out of the sea of bodies and towards the back door that he saw Gilbert exit, he breathed again. Matthew hated that close of physical contact, it just reminded him of the memories he tries to forget. He could handle touching someone, and holding there hand, or even having a arm over his shoulder, but having bodies trying to grind against him made him uncomfortable.

Matthew looked around the alley, but he couldn't see Gilbert. Then he heard the harsh and deep breathing. Walking toward the left he saw the unmistakeable white hair of Gilbert. He was almost all in the shadow. Matthew saw how harsh Gilbert was breathing and shaking. Gilbert hadn't seen him yet and he knew he shouldn't startle him with physical contact.

"Gilbert? Are you Okay?"

Gilbert jumped anyway. He looked at Matthew in panic. His vision blurred and came into focus, and he said, "M...Matthew..? What..." He nearly dry heaved again but caught himself. He looked severely ill, and ready to collapse from his knees.

When Gilbert had looked up at him Matthew knew something was wrong with him. Crouching down, Matthew had a look of severe concern. He reached his hand out and felt Gilbert's forehead. It was slightly warm and sweaty.

"Gilbert, do you need to go home? I can go and try find your brother." Matthew spoke softly

Gilbert didn't react. Home, yes, it probably would be better if he went home to calm down and gather his thoughts. But he didnt want to disappoint Ludwig by making them go home. Plus, he was having fun talking to Matthew...he steeled himself. Taking deep breaths and calming himself, after a few minutes his breathing was normal, and he wasn't shaking. His vision was clear, and his stomach no longer felt sick. He grinned at Matthew, embarrassed for his breakdown. "Nein, I'm alright now. Thank you. I'm sorry, the club scene just got a bit overwhelming."

Matthew wasn't too convinced, but he understood that a club could do that to someone. It had happen to him more times then he could count. Smiling slightly he said

"Would you like to go back in?"

Gilbert took a few breaths. "Ja, I think I can handle it." As he stood and they came back to the enterance, he got nervous again. Looking for an anchor to the world and away from his memories, he looked at Matthew. His red eyes were frightened, reminded Matthew of a white rabbit with red eyes. "This is a little embarrassing, but...may I hold your hand?"

When Matthew saw Gilbert's eyes, he wanted to make sure that he never felt scared again. When he heard the request to hold his hand he smiled softly and held out his hand. When Gilbert took it there was a small amount of static electricity. Walking back in to the club Matthew expected loud music and bodies dancing, instead he heard the crowd roaring, and saw people in a circle. From where he was he couldn't see. Seeing a small gap in the crowd, he squeezed though the crowd with Gilbert, ignoring the way it made him feel. When they got though, it was just in time to see Lovino punch Ludwig.

Behind him, Matthew heard Gilbert say loudly, "Bruder!" Gilbert let go of Matthew's hand, and squeezed his way through, and stopped Ludwig from shoving Lovino. "Stop! You're going to get kicked out of the club." Ludwig tried to angrily push past but Gilbert kept his ground. He was smaller than Ludwig in body preportion and height, so he could've easily been smacked aside. But Ludwig gave up, and turned away, and the brown haired Spainiard Matthew had seen earlier came and calmed Lovino down. The crowd dispersed, and Gilbert was caught in the middle of it. Panicking, he tried to find Matthew.

When Matthew saw Ludwig be punched by Lovino, he was a little confused. While Lovino was temperamental, he would never start a fight without reason. When Gilbert went to calm his brother down and the Spaniard calmed Lovino down, Matthew brother showed up. "Bro, we gotta go, Lovino is still mad. Feli is crying and Iggy is irritated." Before Matthew could protest, he was dragged out of the club and out into the fall night.

Gilbert panicked, but Ludwig got to him before he passed out. Seeing his panic, Ludwig took him out of there.

Time passed. Matthew only vaguely remembered the red eyed man named Gilbert. That is, until he came to the meeting one day. The world meeting, with Ludwig. This is the first time he'd ever came. And he was on crutches, with his head bandaged and back in a brace. When Matthew entered the meeting room, and saw Gilbert sitting there, his memory ignited. The memory of an albino stranger that treated Matthew with kindness.

Matthew had changed over the course of two years. He no longer wore his glasses, as he now had contacts. He actually became more withdrawn. Other things had changed as well. Alfred and Arthur were planning on marrying. Lovino and the Spaniard, he later learned was called Antonio, were dating. Supposedly Feliciano was seeing someone too. It was only him that was alone.

Matthew made his way to the conference room that was being held in Germany that year. He didn't know why he came anymore; it wasn't like anybody was going to listen to him. Walking into the room, he saw Yao, Ivan, Ludwig, and Kiku. But then his eyes landed on a man with white hair that had his head bandaged and his back in a brace. Something in his mind ignited. A white hair stranger talking to him, buying him food, being kind to him, and then never seeing him again. He said the only thing that could come out "Gilbert?"

Gilbert turned his neck and looked at him. He blinked. "You...know my name?" He tried very hard to remember how he knew his man. But since his accident...he could barely remember anything from the past year. He grinned apologetically. "I'm so sorry...but what's your name again? You look familiar, but I can't remember your name." He got his crutches and stood up to face Matthew. He was thinner, and Matthew saw he must have been in a bad accident.

Matthew was a little sad, and his eyes dimmed a bit. However, he knew it wasn't intentional for Gilbert to forget his name. He had obviously been in an accident. But he didn't even know Gilbert was a country.

"My name is Matthew William

Jo-" he stopped remembering what Gilbert had said two years ago. "Just Matthew Williams." Gilbert wondered why he paused. He felt confused, but didn't look into it. He also felt bad for not remembering. He tried hard to think, but he was drawing up a blank. He vowed to keep trying. Feeling exhausted from even standing, he sat down.

"Sorry...my legs aren't what they used to be." He gestured to the chair next to him. "Would you like to sit, Matthew?" A little yellow bird flew in and landed in his hair, curling in it like a nest.

Sitting down, he lifted his finger to the bird. It nuzzled his finger and cheeped happily. Gilbert smiled. "Oh this is my friend, Gilbird. He says he likes you."

Matthew had to smile wider at hearing that. Even if it was a bird that liked him, it made him happy. Internally, he giggled. Gilbert looked so cute with Gilbird on his head.

"I like you too, Gilbird." Matthew felt weight on his lap and looked down to see his amnesiac Polar bear sitting there. The polar bear looked up at him and said "Who?" Matthew had to sigh.

"I am Matthew, your owner, and this" he gestured to Gilbert and Gilbird "is Gilbert and Gilbird." The polar bear looked at Gilbert and then turned to Matthew and said "Hungry."

Matthew had to sigh again. Reaching into his pocket, he gave the polar bear his snack and turned back to Gilbert and Gilbird

"Sorry. This is Kuma...Kumajiho?...Kumapi?... Wait... Oh, Kumajirou!" Matthew said. Gilber was a little amused, judging by the way his red eyes danced.

Ad his eyes were sparkling with amusement, a sharp pain shot through him, and he winced. "Urgh..." Gilbird nuzzled into his head, concerned. Ludwig from the corner of the room had been watching, and came over, concerned. "Nein, bruder, I'm alright. Just a passing pain." Ludwig was still worried, but went back to his business after Gilbert waves him off.

Matthew was also concerned about Gilbert, and asked if he really was okay.

He nodded. "Yeah, I just get these after pains from my accident. They'll pass though." He tried hard to once again remember who Matthew was. Again, blank . So instead, he asked, "You're official country name...is Canada, right?"

Matthew was still concerned about Gilbert, but let it go."Yeah, my country name is Canada, but I only get called that by my boss." Matthew said. He didn't want to seem rude and ask Gilbert his country. He knew how it felt for no one to know what country you represented. However he was very curious.

"I don't mean to be rude Gilbert... But what is your country?" he asked. Poor Matthew didn't know how much that question would hurt Gilbert, for he and Alfred were two of the youngest countries. So he didn't know Gilbert's history.

Gilbert's smile faltered. He looked at his lap. "Well...first, I have to tell you about a country that existed long ago. Its name was Prussia." There, he told Matthew about the history of Prussia. He told him when it was the Prussian empire, when they fought Austria, when it was seperated from Germany, and everything inbetween. This Prussian country had such a vibrant history, and Mathew was amazed. "One day, Prussia was disbanded. The country was no more, and there only was germany." Gilbert finished, still looking at his lap.

Matthew knew he had made a mistake when he first saw Gilbert smile falter. He was about to apologize to him, when Gilbert decided to tell him about Prussia. By the end of the story, Matthew realized something.

"You are Prussia, aren't you?" he asked softly

Gilbert nodded. "Ja...but I'm not Prussia anymore. I'm just Gilbert. I'm not a country. I'm...only human." He sighed, taking Gilbird from his hair and petting him.

Matthew had no idea what to say to that. He never knew anybody that was not a country anymore. While Matthew could probably understand to and extent of what Gilbert was feeling, he would never be able to fully comprehend the feeling of never being a country.

"While I never knew Prussia, he sounds like a cool country. However I think I like the Gilbert I have seen so far. You seem awesome." Matthew said with a small smile and laid his hand briefly on Gilbert's before pulling away.

Gilbert looked up at him. He grinned his usual smile. "Awesome, huh? I remember when I used to say that all the time.." The meeting started, interrupted their conversation. Ivan, after seeing Gilbert injured, asked Ludwig what had happened. Ludwig began to explain. "This is the next topic of conversation. The DN organization is ought to kill us countries again. Gilbert..." He choked slightly "...saved me from a hit and run driver supposed to kill me. But he took the blow instead..."

The room was silent. Nobody could say anything. Feli was rubbing Ludwig's arm, trying to comfort him. Francis wasn't making any pervy comments, England wasn't talking, and Alfred was unusually quiet, not even trying to say the hero would save them all. Ivan's intimidating aura wasn't as high as it usually was. Antonio wasn't smiling, and Lovi wasn't scowling. They all knew this was a serious matter. If the DN organization found where Ludwig

was and could tell he was a country, who is to say that one of them weren't next. Gilbert, who even though he wasn't a country anymore, but still retained country-like features and abilities, was able to get that hurt, what about them? Matthew was a little scared. He had never had a run in with the DN, but Alfred had. They were the ones that caused the American civil war. Matthew remembered how scared he was for his brother. Alfred had a split personality, one that was himself, and the other the one that wanted slavery. It was a scary memory. Suddenly, Matthew felt a warm hand slip into his, and he looked over at Gilbert, who offered a small smile.

Gilbert gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. He stood up painful and said, "I have something to tell you all." They all looked at him. "I know where the DN building is located."

Every ones head snapped in his direction. So fast, one would think they had whiplash.

"Bruder, do you really?" He nodded.

"Really, where!?" Feli asked.

Gilbert gulped nervously. He said, lowering his voice slightly, "Right under this building. They set up base underground this building, so no one would find them. They've set up microphones and cameras, but I've had Gilbird deactivate them for the time being. But they know we're here...and they can strike any time they wish. There are about a hundred of them, all in this building right now..." There was a quiet 'pst', and a dart appeared on his neck. His eyes widened, and he crumpled to the floor.

Everyone's eyes widen at the proclamation of the DN base being right under them. Then when Gilbert crumpled to the ground, everyone was almost frozen, until Ludwig sprang into action. Running towards his brother, he made sure he was okay. Seeing he was only passed out, he lifted his brother up.

"Everyone, we have to get out of here!"

Another dart whizzed by them, barley missing Yao. Everyone at that point had paired up. Yao with Ivan, Arthur with Alfred. Then Antonio with Lovino and France, and finally it was Feliciano with Matthew, and Ludwig with an unconscious Gilbert on his shoulder. Together, they were able to move out of the room while dodging tranquilizer bullets. Alfred pulled Matthew along.

"Up there, that car belongs to me!" Arthur exclaimed and pointed to a white van. They all ran towards it. Getting in, Arthur got into the driver seat and Alfred in the passenger seat. Then Ivan and Yao and Francis. The next row was Antonio, Lovino, and Feliciano. The last row was Canada, Ludwig and Gilbert with his head in Ludwig lap.

"Drive, Iggy! Drive!" Alfred shouted.

"What do you think I am doing you bloody wanker!" Arthur said.

"Where are we going, da?" Ivan said.

Everyone was quiet, they all knew their houses were probably being watched.

"We can go to my house." Matthew said softly, but they all heard him.

"My house was probably forgotten. Besides I have medical supplies." With a destination in mind, they set off to Canada. This was going to be a long drive.

Gilbert didn't wake up for a long time. Not the whole ride, not when they had to get out and get on a private plane from Germany to Canada. He was breathing fine, and looked simply asleep, but Ludwig still worried.

Alfred was stressing the most. He had one of the best security systems in the world, so how could this have slipped by him? That's when his eyes widened in horror.

"They're American. All of them. Using american cameras, microphones, equipment, everything." He stopped, then thought again. "But if they're using American equipment...they'll have American tracking devices in them. Incapable of working without the tracking device, we can track the equipment and areas." Finally, a spark of hope.

With that spark of hope they were all able to sleep a little bit more peacefully on the plane. Again, Gilbert did not wake up even on the drive to Matthew house. Pulling up in the drive way of Matthew's house, some of the other countries were amazed.

Surrounded by trees was a cozy looking three-story house. The house looked to be like a log cabin. The roof of the house was layered with green tiles and the door to the house was made of cherry oak. It seemed to be very peaceful here. Getting out of the car, Ludwig carrying Gilbert, they made it to the door. Matthew unlocked it and turned the lights on.

"Please take off your shoes" Matthew said softly. Once they all did, Matthew led them down a hall way.

"On the first floor, there is the living room, kitchen, dining room, and one bathroom. On the second floor are the rooms. There are only five bedrooms, so you guys will have to pair up. The rooms all have a bathroom connected to them. There is a room at the end of the hall that is off-limits. On the third floor is an attic space. It has a grand piano." Matthew said as he walked.

"Alfred, can you show Ludwig my room? He can put Gilbert there. I am going to make dinner." Matthew walked away without even waiting for a response.

Alfred led Ludwig to his room. It was plainly decorated but peaceful. Ludwig laid Gilbert down, and they both left to the living room. The countries began to talk about possibilities, when all went quiet. Matthew peeked in to see Gilbert hobbling down the stairs. Ludwig stood up but Matthew beat him to it. He went to Gilbert's left side and helped into one of the chairs.

He was rubbing the back of his neck painfully. He asked, "What are going to do now? I heard everything going on while I was unconscious." Alfred explained the situation. Gilbert sighed. "I know what this is about..."

He looked at them. They were looking back at him, shocked. He informed, "Being human means you hear things nations don't. Even a former nation like me."

"They believe by killing the nation in question, they'll become the personification of the nation they killed. And that the country that nation represents will obey their every whim." he explained.

"But everyone knows once a nation's personification dies, so will the country!" Feli exclaimed

"They are stupid bastards, Feli." Lovino said.

"What are we going to do?" asked Yao.

Gilbert said softly, "We have one option. But you guys won't like it."

There was a moment of tense silence. Nobody knew if they should ask what it was.

"What is it, Bruder?" Ludwig finally asked.

"We send in a decoy, carrying a timed bomb...and the entire place blows up." Gilbert knew this strategy would work. So did the other countries. But the way he was suggesting it...

He spoke again. "Who's this decoy? Well...I don't have much to lose, do I?"

There was stunned silence. How could he be saying this?

"Absolutely not!" Matthew surprised them all by yelling. He was usually such a quiet boy that they all forgot he was there.

"Why not?" Gilbert asked. Matthew's face turned red. He walked passed Gilbert and up the stairs. He walked all the way to the end of the hall into the room he told the others not to go in. Every where you looked there was hockey items. Seeing what he was looking for he grabbed it.

Downstairs, Alfred heard the door being opened.

"Uh-oh. Gilbert I would not have said that." he said.

"Why?" Gilbert asked confused. But Alfred only shook his all turned around when they heard Matthew come down the stairs. "Gilbert, if you still want to go, I will use force to keep you here." Matthew said, and brought the hockey stick out from behind his back.

Gilbert looked at the floor. "Think about it logically Matthew. We need someone they know is a supposedly nation, but who isn't a country. They'll underestimate me with my injuries. I'm the perfect match..." He cringed when he saw Matthew holding up his hockey stick.

All the nations were watching the two of them. "I can understand your reasoning, Gilbert" Matthew said softly. Gilbert breathed out when Matthew lowered the stick a little.

"However..." He lifted the hockey stick again. "What happens when the bomb blows up? What happens to you? Don't think only about yourself! How would you brother feel? Your friends! And even me!? If I have to keep you here by knocking you out, I will!"

Gilbert looked at the floor. "I don't mean it like that Matthew. But what choice do we have? It's for the wellbeing of the nations. I'm willing to do this for my bruder and my friends. I want to do this for you." He tensed, ready to dodge in case matthew swung.

What Gilbert wasn't expecting was for Matthew to lower the stick, close his eyes, and shoulders start to tremble. Tears poured out from his violet eyes. "D-do...wh-h-hat y-ou w-want." Matthew said, and then ran up the stairs. They all heard the bedroom door slam shut.

Matthew ran straight for the razor sitting in his desk. He needed to feel the pain. Downstairs, Gilbert followed him painfully up the stairs. Without knocking, he entered the room. Seeing the razor, he limped over and wretched it from Matthew's grip . "Don't...you'll ruin your beautiful skin for nothing."

Matthew cried out as the razor was ripped out of his hand. He saw Gilbert there and glared. "Why should you care? You are going to die, it's not like you will see it?"

"Listen to me Matthew..." He lifted his shirt. Deep white scars were on his stomach, made by a razor. "Cutting...is good for a little while. It helps. But it doesn't fix anything. It won't always help you feel better." Lowering his shirt, he tilted Matthew's face to look at him. "You can't give up if I die . I'm doing it for you...don't let this be in vain."

Matthew was stunned that Gilbert knew what it was like, the need for the pain. When he said that Matthew couldn't give up even when he died or it would be in vain, that's when the dam broke. He cried that night and Gilbert held him. Matthew cried for Gilbert. He cried for how unfair life was. He cried for all the people that would miss Gilbert. But most of all, he cried that the man he just realized he loved was going to die.

Gilbert cried a little too. He cried silently into Matthew's hair. They sat on his bed, and he stroked his hair, just holding him that night. He apologized over and over. Eventually, they fell asleep in each other's arms. Their dreams were woven with each other in it. By early morning, Gilbert was up. He couldn't sleep anymore. He sat at the window, looking at the sunset, and thinking of his lost memories. Why? He was trying to remember. Remember as much as he could before he went on a suicide mission. Other things he thought of too. Like possibilities. Equations for his kamakazee mission. If he could maybe live.

* * *

Matthew woke up around noon with a pounding head ache. He laid there trying to remember why he had a head ache.

Gilbert.

When he thought about the man, his heart lept. He was in love! In love with Gilbert! A man that was going to die. That got his smile to fade. Where was Gilbert anyway? With a blush, he remembered how he held him as he cried. Getting out of bed, Matthew decided to take a shower. Once he took one, he got dressed in a big sweater and baggy sweats and made his way downstairs. Nobody was there. He checked all the rooms and the attic but they weren't there. Where were they?

He heard a faint chirping. Gilbird flew over and landed on matthew's shoulder. He whistled sadly and nuzzled into Matthew's cheek. He nudged Matthew toward the living room. Once he got him there, there was a note on the table. It read, 'Dear Matthew, I'm sorry to have to say this now, but...I love you. I will always love you, and I'm willing to die to make sure you'll remain alive. The others and I are on our way to the building in Germany. We thought it best...you stay home. I'm sorry. Ich leibe dich. Love, Gilbert. P.S. I remember now the day we meet at the bar. And I'll never forget your hand in mine.'

Matthew was frozen. He re-read the note once, twice, and then a third time. Gilbert loved him and remembered him, but was going to die. The grandfather clock in his living room rang announcing noon. He broke out of his shock. Anger, sadness, panic, and desperation shook him to his core. Gilbird chirped, obviously sensing Matthew's emotion. Matthew petted him, and Gilbird flew off his shoulder as Matthew grabbed his keys. He went into his garage and took a look around. Inside was his motorcycle that he had quit using three years ago. However, he needed a fast vehicle to get to the airport.

Grabbing it, he put the helmet on and started the motorcycle. Down his drive way and towards the airport.

He prayed that Gilbert and the others were not in Germany.

As soon as he reached the airport, it was too late. He saw the private jet leaving. He was a few seconds too late. As he watched the jet leave, someone said behind him, "...He knew you'd come...and he made me stay here." When Matthew turned, Ludwig stood there, looking terribly pained and upset.

Matthew slumped in defeat. He had missed them. "Why?" he asked brokenly.

Ludwig lowered his eyes to the ground. He blinked with watery eyes. "He said...he didn't want me to see it. To be there. I'll need to...stay here." He shook his head. "Let's go back. There's nothing we can do." Matthew and Ludwig had to go back to his house. They waited in silence in the living room, until the German man spoke up. "You love him...dont you?"

Matthew was startled at the sudden question but didn't hesitate answer

"Yes, I do. I think it was love at first sight. I don't know if you even remember me Ludwig, but two years ago you and Gilbert came into the club my brother dragged me to and I saw him. You shooed him away and he walked towards me. We talked and I think that is actually when I fell in love with him. Then there was the fight between Lovino and you. Which I later learned was because to Lovino you were dancing to close to his brother Feli. My brother dragged me away, and as time went on, I forgot. Though now that I think about it, I never forgot, just had him in the back of my mind. Then I saw him again at the meeting, but he didn't remember me because of an accident. When he was shot, I was so worried, especially when he didn't wake up. When he finally did, he wanted to go on that suicide mission." By now, Matthew was crying, but he continued on. "I thought if I threatened to knocked him out he would not go. He goes on saying it was for all of us. I couldn't handle it. I ran up to my room and was going to cut myself, when he ripped he razor out of my hand. Do you know what he said to me?" Matthew didn't let him answer "He said I can't mark my beautiful skin, and then proceeded to show me his cuts. He said I can't give up even if he died, and that I shouldn't let his life be in vain. That's when I cried. He hugged me and stroked my hair apologized over and over. That was when I realized I loved him." Matthew finished.

Ludwig was trying not to cry. He was not a soft-hearted man particularly, but the way his brother had treated Matthew... "It sounds like him. You wouldn't even recognize him when he was a country. He was loud, boastful, foolish and hyper. Much like Alfred, but ten times more arrogant and narcissistic. But after he was taken from me after World War ll by Russia...and he came back only to be disbanded as a country...that's when he changed. He was never the same man. He was rarely truely happy...but I think you brought that back in him." Ludwig looked up at Matthew. "Countries can keep one thing alive as their companions, ja? For you, in Kumajiro, for Gilbert, it's Gilbird...for me, it's Gilbert. He's my bruder, and I love him, my only family. But I couldnt convince him to not go. He was too stuboorn..." Just then, Ludwig recieved a text. He opened it and read it, then handed his phone to Matthew. He was crying. The text sent from Alfred read: 'He did it. The DN is no more. The whole building is gone. We can't find him anywhere.'

Listening to Ludwig side of the story made him smile a little, now knowing he was able to bring Gilbert some happiness. But when Ludwig handed him the phone and he read the text, something in him broke. Why should he be here if Gilbert wasn't? The phone slipped from his hand a fell to the carpeted floor with a soft thump. Ludwig looked up with tears still falling to see Matthew with a blank expression on his face, his eyes looking lost and tears streaming down his face.

Ludwig sobbed harder. Having known Gilbert longer, he couldn't believe he was gone. Memories went through his head of them. He didn't think he could live. Another text shortly followed, and he forced himself to pick it up. He was sure it would be more updates on the mission. More useless information that couldn't heal his loss. But when he read it, he took a sharp breath in. His eyes widened. He stared at his phone in disbelief, tears stopped, and mouthing wordlessly.

Matthew was oblivious to all these things. He was in his own little world, his brain trying to protect itself, forcing him into a coma-like, unresponsive state. He didn't hear Ludwig telling him something. Nor did he feel himself getting picked up and placed in a car. Nor did he feel getting onto the plane. Nor did he feel himself landing in Germany or being sat on a bed and sitting there for a very long time. The only thing that broke him out of his coma-like state was Gilbert's voice.

* * *

_Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb_

_ Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold_

_ Until you find it there and lead it back home_

_ (Wake me up) Wake me up inside (I can't wake up) Wake me up inside (Save me) _

_Call my name and save me from the dark _

_(Wake me up) Bid my blood to run (I can't wake up) Before I come undone (Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become _

_Now that I know what I'm without You can't just leave me _

_Breathe into me and make me real_

_ Bring me to life (Wake me up) Wake me up inside(I can't wake up) Wake me up inside (Save me) _

_Call my name and save me from the dark (Wake me up) _

_Bid my blood to run (I can't wake up) _

_Before I come undone (Save me) _

_Save me from the nothing I've become -Bring me to Life by Evanescence_

It was cracked and painful. It was soft and shaky. It was both frightened and filled with love. But it was Gilbert's voice. And all he said to break Matthew out of his daze was: "Matthew...I'm here."

He was standing there at the doorway. He was sporting a bandaged head, a sling, and leaning on one crutch . He looked exhausted and in pain. But his smile was the same. And he was very much real and alive.

When Matthew was broken out of his daze, and saw Gilbert there, he at first couldn't believe it. Getting up on shaking legs - he had been in bed for two weeks since Ludwig had first brought him to Germany after the bombing - he slowly walked towards Gilbert. When he was right in front of him, he reached out his hand and touched Gilbert pale cheek. He was warm and real. Matthew hugged him as he cried yet again, though this time the tears were of happiness and relief than sadness. Gilbert moved them on the bed so they could both sit.

"Je t'aime, I love you Gil, so much. Je t'aime, Je t'aime." Matthew kept saying it, and Gilbert kept responding with "Ich leibe dich. I love you too, Matthew. Ich leibe dich."

Together they feel asleep, exhausted from the high emotions. Everything couldn't be more right.

* * *

_ When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_ When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears _

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_ But you still have all of me_

_ You used to captivate me by your resonating light_

_ Now I'm bound by the life you left behind _

_Your face—it haunts my once pleasant dreams_

_ Your voice—it chased away all the sanity in me _

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_ This pain is just too real_

_ There's just too much that time cannot erase-My Immortal by Evanescence_.

hey were married one year later. It hadn't taken long for Gilbert to propose, to which Matthew happily accepted. They fit together so perfectly, and Gilbert never stopped loving him, and vice versa. They hardly had any problems. Gilbert lived with Matthew in Canada, and got to visit Ludwig every few times a month. They couldn't have been happier. One day, on a fine, cloudy day, Gilbert and Matthew were outside, as the sun that could sunburn Gil's pale skin was hidden away. Gilbert asked Matthew, "Did I tell you how I survived the explosion?"

Matthew shook his head. He hadn't wanted to push Gilbert, and besides, he was just too happy that Gilbert was alive.

"I didn't" Gilbert said, and he disappeared into golden dust. Matthew awoke with a shriek. Where was Gilbert. Gilbert. Gilbert. He wasn't anywhere. Gilbert.

White figures swam in his vision. Gilbert. They held him down. He was injected with something. Where was Gilbert?

"...Crazy...mental..." he heard before his vision began to swim, and he fell asleep. He saw Gilbert waiting with open arms, and Matthew ran into them.

But what he didn't know was it was all in his head.

A dream.

And that's all it will ever be.

_Run away, run away_

_One day we won't feel this pain anymore_

_Take it all away_

_Shadows of you_

_Cause they won't let me go_

_Until I have nothing left_

_And all I feel is this cruel wanting_

_We've been falling for all this time _

_And now __I'm lost in paradise_

_Alone, and lost in paradise-Lost in Paradise By Evanescence_

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**•••|Alternative ending|••••**

_Yeah, when my world is falling apart _

_When there's no, light to break up the dark _

_That's when I, I, I look at you _

_When the waves are flooding the shore _

_And I can't find my way home anymore_

_ That's when I, I, I look at you _

_When I look at you, I see forgiveness, I see the truth_

_ You love me for who I am like the stars hold the moon _

_Right there where they belong _

_And I know I'm not alone-From 'The Last Song'. When I look at you by Miley Cyrus_

"I was going to do it. I really was. But at the last second, before I entered the building...I realized I wasn't ready yet. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to live with you, marry you, and treat you with the love you deserve. So, instead of going in, I crawled through the ventilation pipes and placed the bomb in there. I didn't get out fast enough though, and the timed bomb went off as soon as I got out of the building. I was buried in rubble, but Francis found me." he explained, looking at Matthew with a smile. Matthew was smiling at Gilbert with slightly glistening eyes. He kissed him, and at that moment everything felt right.

Now and forever.

**Extra: **

Alfred was invited over to his brothers house, and there he was about to enter the door.

"Mattie! I'm here!" here he called when he got out inside. There was no answer. How strange. Walking down the hall to the living room he was surprised by what he saw. The usually neat Living room was a mess, popcorn was everywhere, there were soda cans on the ground, and candy everywhere. The TV was on and he saw a commercial going.

"Matthew?" he called again. What happened next will scar Alfred forever. Matthew came down the stairs dressed in a sports t shirt and sweats. However behind him was a hockey stick. Alfred followed his movement as Matthew stopped right in front of the TV. The commercial was over and showing a hockey game.

"Damn it!" Matthew exclaimed, surprising his brother. Matthew lifted his hockey stick and smack the TV, making a crack in it. What happened next has to be censored, for how violent it was. Let's just say, Alfred knew never to piss Matthew or he would use his hockey stick.

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•PLEASE REVIEW! THANKS FOR READING!


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